I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
