my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
