STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
