Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
