he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
