Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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