I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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