oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize