What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just blew my weed a kiss
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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