My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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