Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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