loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
