i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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