apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Couch. On fire.
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