fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
