dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
