Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
