i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
