I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
