I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
