he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
