two words: eviction party
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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