So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
false alarm. still invincible.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just found a bag of teeth...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
