You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I CAN MOONWALK!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
