Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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