I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
