It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
