I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
