ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
