My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
