so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
