i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
