dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
