Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
