so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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