So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
