She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In other news, I just burned my penis
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
