woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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