That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
operation have a gay friend backfired
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
