I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
