i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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