So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
