I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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