I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
