Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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