Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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