Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
