how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
