You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
