They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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