You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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