if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
