I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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