How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize