Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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