It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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