does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
