At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
