I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
