I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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