dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
