i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize