Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Randomize
