Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
