Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
