I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
