THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize