i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
