fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
