The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize